Competence & The Developing Leader
The reader may be familiar with the Conscious Competence learning model, commonly attributed to Gordon Training International and Noel Burch. The model includes four stages of personal development and learning new skills including:
1. Unconscious Incompetence
2. Conscious Incompetence
3. Conscious Competence
4. Unconscious Competence
In the first stage the learner doesn’t know what they don’t know. In the second stage they discover what they didn’t know. As they work on developing the skill, they do so consciously – with thought, practice, patience, persistence, trial and error. Once the learner masters the skill, the behavior becomes “second nature” and moves to the final stage of unconscious competence.
Good luck in your development as a leader!
Most Challenging Communication 8: Leading Groups Pt. 3
Managing Credibility, Command & Control Issues (Continued)
Get People Saying Yes
Using confirmation questions to get people saying “yes” is a way to build from smaller to larger commitments. When you lead a group, get them involved early in the meeting by asking questions to which they can only answer yes. Getting them to say and shake their head yes is a way to “condition” them to give you greater agreement later on. This is a technique that all great salespeople use, and for good reason.
Answer Questions with Smooth Transitions
and Response Techniques
When someone throws you a tough question or comment, think of it as a game of catch. Here comes the curve ball, fast ball, knuckle ball or, God forbid, a spit ball. You must first catch the ball, pause for a thoughtful moment, and then respond with an equally impressive reply.
Often we rush to answer questions or come back with replies that are reactive or unintelligent. Studies show that it takes several seconds for a listener to hear a question, understand what was asked, formulate an answer and respond.
If we respond to quickly, without using a smooth transition, we may come across as defensive, rushed, off-balance or as trying too hard. On the other hand, if you are one of those gifted people who can answer very quickly, emphatically and powerfully, just keep doing what your doing.
Know the Players and Their Position in Your
Audience
If you know you’re outnumbered on a particular issue and you don’t have the power to put your foot down, you will need to get the majority on your side. This requires a great deal of smooth manipulation, lobbying or persuasion.
Some of you reading this article loathe the idea of playing politics – but that’s just how it is. Office politics, group politics, community politics, national politics and global politics all just simply exists. If we don’t learn how to deal with politics we will lose a great deal of power along the way in any endeavor.
Someone once said, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” Carefully and diplomatically working a group is truly an artful thing.
Most Challenging Communication 8: Leading Groups Pt. 2.
Managing Credibility, Command & Control Issues
In order to command, you must communicate with credibility and authority. You are at your most credible when your non-verbal, vocal and verbal communication match. It’s also vital that you be able to maintain control when leading groups. Here are some techniques you can use to take command and maintain control when leading groups.
Set an Agenda
Preparing and sticking to an agenda gives you a step by step path from beginning to end in a business meeting. You’ll seem in charge if you know where you are going.
Recognize Three Basic Dance Steps
There is always a dance taking place. The idea is that you lead and your audience follows. The three dance steps are: engage the group, exchange information and end the meeting on the desired note.
Open in a Focused, Engaging Manner
When opening a discourse with a group, you must face and engage them in a positive, if not commanding, manner. You must get their attention. Your body language needs to be open and assertive, rather than passively closed or overly aggressive. Your voice must convey warmth and authority, as opposed to fearful trembling or hostility. You must be selective with your words. Great communicators choose the best words for each situation.
Use Mind/Body Techniques to Project
Authority or Improve Participation
If you are a victim of stress or negative thinking when facing groups, you need mental or physical techniques that allow you to relax and think positively. When you think positive, enjoyable or courageous thoughts, your body language will follow with a corresponding display of poise, confidence or enthusiasm. On the other hand, if you are not in a favorable state of mind, carry yourself with poise and confidence and your mind will follow. You always have two available means of taking
charge of mental states through posture and thinking.
You can also use mind/body techniques on others. If you have someone who seems closed and unreceptive, getting them to open their body language will open their mind. Ask them to hand you something, or hand them something to review which creates a shift in their physical openness towards you.
Or, ask the person to stand up and demonstrate something or to move to a different location in order to unseat or reposition them. The trick is to keep people from becoming entrenched in a closed physical or mental mode. You can be subtle (or sneaky) and creative with this technique.
Getting a person to laugh or participate in an upbeat conversation will often be enough to change their body language. If you see someone in your audience close down, take a moment to tell a joke or do something to get them laughing. When the mind opens, the body follows.
More Command & Control to Follow!
Most Challenging Communication 8: Leading Groups (Pt. 1)
Over the past 30 plus years I’ve faced thousands of groups as a leader, manager, preacher, teacher, speaker, trainer and facilitator. From small to large and informal to formal groups, I’ve had many wonderful and a few horrible learning experiences in front of audiences.
Leading groups is one of the big challenges we face as executives. Most people don’t like to speak in front of groups. Over the years many surveys have identified what people fear most. Speaking in front of groups always ranks at or near the top of those results. Fear of death usually ranks lower. I suppose that indicates people would rather die than speak in front of groups!
Some of the negative feelings we experience, when facing a group, include self-consciousness, embarrassment, nervousness and even nausea. There are many things, however, to be gained by learning to communicate in front of groups, including confidence, recognition and respect.
Many other positive characteristics will be attributed to you if you can lead confidently, talk intelligently and field questions effectively in front of groups. The following information will help improve your perceived authority and credibility with groups.
Working Different Size Groups
In Live for Success (1981), John T. Molloy identified five sizes of audiences we can face when leading groups or making presentations, including: small group, boardroom, classroom, small formal, and large formal. Much of what follows is drawn from Molloy’s work, which I have found incredibly useful over the years.
As a general rule, smaller groups are more intimate in nature, and larger groups will expect you to be informative and entertaining. As group size changes, you must consider your visibility, how you express yourself and what audio-visual tools you will use to enhance your message.
Positioning & Visibility
As group size grows, you must remain well positioned and highly visible to the audience. In a small intimate setting, you have to stand or sit back a short distance from the group so everyone can see you. In a boardroom setting, you are better off standing than sitting, and always at one end of the table. Being placed in the middle of a group, where you constantly have to turn your head back and forth while speaking, will reduce your perceived authority with participants. As you graduate to larger settings, make sure you are positioned in front of your audience so everyone can see you, even if this means standing on stage for a large formal audience.
Expressing Yourself
As you move from smaller to larger groups, in order to be perceived favorably, you must make sure you can be clearly heard, and that your gestures shift from less to more exaggerated.
To best convey your message in an intimate gathering, use a normal conversational tone and refrain from exaggerated gestures. When addressing people in a boardroom setting, speak up and maintain a personable, conversational tone. Refrain from overly exaggerated gestures.
When facing a group of seated people (as in a classroom setting), and standing on the same level as the group and working without a microphone, make sure you speak up. Speak with more formality and emphasis than in a small group or boardroom setting. Gesture, but keep movements somewhat restrained. Keep words and non-verbal signals on a more personal level.
In small formal settings, participants can see your face and read your expressions. Speakers in front of this size group are sometimes on raised platforms or behind podiums. Your audience expects a more formal presentation. Wear a microphone to allow for movement and move from behind the podium to break down the barrier between you and your audience. Present in an upbeat manner and use pronounced gestures to enhance your perceived credibility.
When facing an audience of 200 or more people, the expectations shift. You’ve now graduated to entertainer. You must recognize each audience has a personality of its own. Humor can help, but you must entertain the large formal audience with the subject matter. The audience will expect more exuberance and longer pauses from you, so throw restraint out the window. Those perceived as good speakers are actors and entertainers. Raise your voice when you speak. Raise your arms when you gesture. Become an actor. The larger the group the more animated you will want to become with your gestures and expressions and more theatrical with your delivery.
Audio-Visual Tools
With small groups, minimize mechanical aids such as a flip chart or projector. Use a handout if you have visual material. In a boardroom setting you may need to use a flip chart, marking board or projector to share the visual aspect of a presentation. With a classroom audience, your visual tools could include a flip chart, marking board or projector. With a small formal audience, use a projector if you have a visual presentation to share. With a large formal audience you will need to use a microphone and you will need a projector if you have a visual presentation.
Always do tests to make sure your equipment is working properly. When you use PowerPoint or projected visuals keep them simple. Make them heavier on the visual by using pictures, illustration or graphic material and lighter on the verbiage. If you must use text, use no more than seven lines per screen and use seven or fewer words per line. Words need to be sizeable enough to be read from the back of a larger room. Use color to enhance learning. Most meeting participants do not want a speaker who reads the visuals to them. They would prefer the visual materials make a statement, illustrate a point or highlight key information.
There are many tools on the market today which identify various behavioral styles. Our behavioral style can include how we naturally relate to others, as well as any learned behaviors we have developed over time. The following strategy for dealing with various behavioral styles is a hybrid of several complimentary approaches. I refer to these three as Power, Process and People types.
While we are all a blend of the three styles, we each have our strong suit; that one style that is stronger than the other two. Some of us are more attuned to Power, some to Process and some to People. It’s important to understand our own style, and then to learn and speak the language of the other two styles. This allows us a broader reach and greater effectiveness with people. It’s one more way of building rapport and successfully connecting with others.
Recognizing the Three Types
Power types need to win, to be right and to be respected. They are dominant or aggressive in their style. Process types need facts, information or details. They are more detached or analytical in their style. People types need warmth, interaction and to be liked. They are more dependent and amiable in their style.
Relating to the Three Types
With Power types it’s best to communicate in a direct, bottom line, to- the-point manner. Process types want you to convey information in a factual, detailed and less emotional way. With People types you must express warmth and friendliness when delivering your message.
With Power types you must be FIRM. With Process types you want to be FACTUAL. With People types you must be FRIENDLY
Although most leaders acknowledge the importance of giving praise for a job well done, just as many will tell you they don’t do it often enough. I’ve observed two reasons why leaders don’t give positive feedback.
1). They forget, or haven’t developed the habit of giving praise.
2). They don’t really know how to affirm others.
According to Eric Harvey, in 180 Ways to Walk the Recognition Talk, the key things to remember when giving praise are to be:
- Sincere
- Personal
- Specific
- Timely
- Proportional
A leader can use praise or affirmation to: recognize a task correctly accomplished or a job well done, affirm the individual’s value, acknowledge improved performance, support the person in pursuit of a goal, inform the follower they are on the right track, encourage the individual to keep moving forward and build the follower’s self esteem.
Taking time out, right now, to notice and point out what the follower has achieved can be very effective. Telling an individual you liked the way they handled a customer or solved a problem or finished a task are all examples of giving affirmation.
In-the- moment feedback has been shown to help improve performance. You may also choose to use monthly, quarterly or annual employee recognition or awards to affirm an individual’s value in front of their team. It’s helpful to remember that your outgoing behavioral types are more receptive to public praise while your reserved types prefer more personal and private recognition.
Perhaps you’ve been in a situation where you were lost on the road to a particular destination and in need of a sign to show you the right direction. The further you went, without seeing that sign, the more you became anxious or stressed out. But, as soon as you saw a sign that indicated you were on the right road, and your destination was just up ahead, you felt relief.
Affirmations give employees the confidence and relief of knowing they are moving in the right direction on any given task or project. On the other hand, even if you saw a sign that said “Yeah, dummy, you missed your exit, but can turn around up ahead and get back on the right road,” you would still have felt better about the situation because you would have known where you were and how to get to where you wanted to go.
Praise and affirmation are the signposts to personal development, workplace achievement and continual success!
Sources:
One of the most valuable skills you can develop is the ability to be persuasive. I mean, in the best sense of the word. Not coercion or manipulation — but skillful persuasion.
When we are coercive, we apply physical, mental or emotional pressure to get others to act against their will. When we are manipulative we figure out which emotional buttons to push with another so they act according to our wishes – even against their own best judgment.
With persuasion, however, we make a compelling case that uses our credibility to build trust and confidence while appealing to the other person’s intelligence and their feelings about the subject. When using persuasion, we are showing the other person why something is in their best interest.
In his classic work Rhetoric, the philosopher Aristotle, wrote about the three elements of persuasive speech. The ingredients, or persuasive modes, of Aristotle’s Rhetoric were Ethos, Logos and Pathos (367-322 B.C.).
Ethos is representative of your character or credibility. Logos is the element of logic. Pathos is the ingredient of emotional appeal, which includes recognizing the emotional state of your audience.
Having long worked in the field of communication, it appears to me that the best communicators — more specifically, the best persuaders — are masters at mixing these three modes when needing to gain cooperation and collaboration with others.
In Rick Maurer’s work (2009) he cites three types of resistance we are likely to face when promoting change as,
- I don’t get it
- I don’t like it
- I don’t like you
If you match these types of resistance up with the elements of persuasion you can see that logos or logic address the issue of “I don’t get it.” When you are working to persuade others towards change there will be some who literally don’t get it. They need more facts, figures or detailed information. They need you to connect the dots.
The element of pathos, or emotion, addresses the issue of “I don’t like it.” Many – perhaps most people — are resistant to change. We like the status quo, what’s familiar and our normal groove.
When persuading others to change there will be those who feel fearful, indignant, anxious, distrustful or angry, just to name a few negative emotional responses. These people need your reassurance, or to have their anger addressed or fears relieved. This requires emotional intelligence and appeal.
There are also times when people need to be given a higher aim or fine reputation to live up to. Aspiration or inspiration are two additional ways of moving people emotionally.
The final element of pathos calls on us to play our character or credibility card when we are dealt the hand of promoting change. There will be times when our audience includes those who like us, who are neutral and who dislike us.
Despite their standing towards us, they will follow us into change if we have a case (logic and emotion) that shows the change is in their best interest, and if we have some level of credibility with them. This could include your history with the group, special knowledge or education pertaining to the change or a proven track record.
The best way to practice improving your persuasive abilities, when needing to promote change with a group or influence an individual, is to take time up front to consider, articulate and organize these three things:
- What is my point(s) of credibility with this audience or individual? How is my character, history, knowledge or rapport with this audience relevant? You can always start with this and then build with logic and emotion.
- What are the logical points of my case or argument? What facts, figures or statistics do I need to use to show why the change makes sense?
- What is the emotional state of my audience, and what is the best form of emotional appeal for making my case? If you are lobbying individuals who are parts of a group the emotional appeal may be different for each one. When facing a group you will need to consider one or more points that could include empathy, reassurance, confidence or inspiration.
By following these three steps before a persuasive interaction you will make a better case and have more success in influencing your followers.
Sources:
When conveying goals, tasks or expectations, it’s helpful to draw on your grade school “show and tell” experience. Back in those days you were asked to prepare something you could illustrate, explain and demonstrate for show and tell. Your teacher knew then what you need to know now – that the show and tell approach reaches your audience according to all three learning styles: Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic (or hands on).
My favorite definition of a goal is “a picture.” A goal is a picture in your mind’s eye of how you want something to look, sound, perform or turn out. When conveying expectations, you are transferring that picture from your mind to the other person’s. By using show, tell and, when possible, hands on demonstration, you increase the odds your listener will get the true picture.
As a kid I wanted to take over the lawn mowing responsibility at home. I persuaded my dad to let me take on the chore. He instructed me to get the lawn mower, gas can, rake and grass clippers, showed me how to do a safety check, fill up the gas tank and start the engine. He helped me get started and then told me he would check my results when he returned from work that evening.
After mowing the lawn, I waited eagerly for him to return from work. Once home, he asked me to step out onto the sidewalk in front of our house with him and to examine the lawn. “Ok, not bad for your first try,” he said. “You got most of it mowed nicely.” He then pointed out the “islands” of tall grass still standing and the fact I hadn’t trimmed along the foundation of the house and next to the trees. He had me retrieve all the tools and helped me, with hands-on demonstration, to finish the lawn perfectly. Then we stood back and admired a job well done. “That,” he said, “is how you want the lawn to look when you’re finished.” I saw it, experienced it and got it!
My dad used all three learning tools to transfer the idea of how a lawn should look. Once that picture was placed perfectly and clearly in my mind, I was able to accomplish the same task – paint the same picture – time and time again. By telling me what to do, he engaged my ability to hear and learn through the auditory sense. He gave me a” hands-on” demonstration, during which we both did the trimming, raking, etc. until I got it right. Then he showed me how the final product should look through my visual sense. Show, tell and demonstrate. It works!
Most Challenging Communication 3: Correction & Consequences
The fact you had to tell an adult in the workplace to do something, more than once, is a sign your message did not get through. There may be a variety of reasons for this, including:
- You did not clearly state your request.
- You did not assign consequences for failure to comply with the request.
- Your lack of vocal authority undermined your verbal message.
- You did not enforce the consequences.
- You’re more concerned with being liked than being respected.
Based on years of experience, in practicing these scenarios on-camera with executives, here’s what I recommend.
1. Talk to the employee to make sure you have directly and clearly stated what you wanted done. Don’t hint, beat around the bush or be vague. Don’t expect employees to be mind readers or to always “get it” when you tell them to do something.
2. Explain “why” the request is important and state the consequences of failure, for both the employee and the organization. Once you have stated consequences, you must follow through if the employee does not comply with your request.
3. Say it like you mean it when giving instructions, making requests or voicing consequences. Don’t allow a lack of authority in your voice to undermine your words.
4. If this is the second or third time you’ve told an employee to do something, and they have not followed through, you must enforce the consequences for non-compliance. Without consequences you have no leverage and, as a result, will continue to have uncooperative employee. Usually consequences can be tied back to organizational policies and procedures that need to be upheld — including insubordination.
5. If you have a hard time being the “bad guy” with your employees, keeping the focus on correct policies and procedures can help the employee see you as simply doing your job. They may not always like you, but you’ll earn their respect.
One of the best instructional programs I’ve listened to is “Total Transformation” by James Lehman available at www.thetotaltransformation.com Although the program aims to help parents deal with disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive children, I consider it a must-hear for leaders and managers due to it’s workplace relevance.
Most Challenging Communication 2: Argument Vs. Agreement
In How to Win Friends & Influence People Dale Carnegie wrote, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it” (1936, 1981). In-depth studies on sales show that one of the most effective strategies used by successful sales people is “joining the opposition.” Great sales people almost never argue with prospects. Instead, they first agree and then show the person the other side of the story (Molloy, 1981). In Unlimited Power, Tony Robbins asks the question, What would happen if you had a communication tool you could use to communicate exactly how you felt about an issue, without compromising your integrity in any way, and yet you never had to disagree with the person either” (1986)? Robbins goes on to share “The Agreement Frame” as the answer to this question.
According to Robbins, The Agreement Frame includes these three key phrases:
“I appreciate and…”
“I respect and…”
“I agree and….”
As you can see, each one calls you to take ownership by using the word “I”. Each phrase allows you to be selective in your words. For example, I’ve found the phrase, “I respect and…” works well with assertive behavioral types, “I agree and…” works well with analytical types and “I appreciate and…” works wonders with amiable types.
The real key to this technique is using the word “and” instead of “but.” “But” is a resistance word. “And” is a pivotal word that allows you to move the other person from one side of an issue to the other without creating resistance or argument. You don’t necessarily have to agree with the person’s point of view, but you can at least agree with their intent or acknowledge their feelings by using this technique.
I’ve been practicing The Agreement Frame for 25 years and have found it to be one of those little things that make a big difference in communication. I’ve also discovered many other phrases along the way that work, such as:
“I see what you mean and…”
“I hear what you are saying and…”
“I understand what you are saying and…”
The final element for using this technique is being able to finish the statement in a way that makes sense, builds your case or shows the person the other side of the story.
For example, “I respect what you’re saying and, at the same time, we both know the policy and procedures call for specific steps which I think we will be better off following – don’t you?”
Sources:
Carnegie, D. (1981). You Can’t Win An Argument. How to win friends and influence people (pp. 143-150 (Revised ed.). New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.
Molloy, J. T. (1981). Sales. Molloy’s live for success. (pp. 87-126) New York, NY: Bantam Books.
Robbins, A. (1986). How to handle resistance and solve problems. Unlimited power (pp. 242-243-252). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
